Of Pain, Impatience, and Frustration

I figured it was time for an update on my post-being-run-over-by-a-car saga. (This story starts on July 22--see archives if you're behind and work your way up.) I am currently working on getting all the way better, which is a huge PAIN! (Literally. In my shoulders, specifically.) I am attending physical therapy twice a week to try and alleviate my daily pain, but now its a matter of patience. Obviously, I can't expect that after a few session my range of motion will be back, my posture fixed (my shoulders have rolled forward to compensate for my sternum/ribs injuries) and a miraculous ability to get back to caring for my baby and toddler 100%, but that doesn't have to mean I like it!

I'm getting tired of it. I'm doing more than I should. What choice to I have, really? It is so frustrating to stop at Fred Meyer to get groceries and have to psych myself up to lift the baby from the van to a shopping cart. She must be getting heavier, because this is getting harder every time I have to do it. Either that or I'm getting worse. Who knows. I've been able to lift her SOME in the last few days, but imagine my aggravation that I am not able to hold her in my chair without an adult in the room, because she's too wiggly and she tries to jump out of my arms. While I can hold her to feed her, or if she's being still (which are not always at the same time!) I can't get out of my chair while holding her. Thank goodness Danitra is cleaning my house, or poor Dale would be completely over-loaded. He already is. He does 100% of the cooking, laundry, baby-carrying (while home), getting kids off to school, (although I can drive now, I don't make lunches or "crack the whip" to get them out the door) driving me to therapy (I'm too sore afterwards to drive) etc. etc. etc. He's working about half time; thank goodness for dividends and the FMLA, or we'd be sunk. After school I pick up the kids (it doesn't require me to carry the baby. I just have to sit there and wait for them to get their little behinds in the van. Then I have to pysch myself up to carry the baby to the family room, have one of the girls change her diaper while I down another couple of Tylenol, and watch her crawl around the floor until it's time to get Dale. Then I have to psych myself up to put her back in the car, corral all the kids, and go pick up Dale, knowing that it will all spell P-A-I-N in the end! I hate it. Yes, my Mom told me that "hate" is a very strong word, and I thouroughly agree!

No wonder I come home and collapse in my chair. Without the baby. Man, it's hard to feel like a Mom right now, when I cannot physically care for my kids. Do you have any idea what it's like to not be able to hug your children? I shake my four year old's hand every night before bed. She won't' go to sleep without her "hand squeeze". Puh-thetic.

The kids are being troopers, though, and so is Dale. Danitra is a huge help. I'll make it...eventually. The PT is going to help, I can tell. It's just going to take TIME.

I was reveling in the fact that I am a Therapy Mom, not a Mom who needs therapy (physical, anyway) when I got run over by a car.